Talk:What Sonic Means to Me/@comment-25021327-20151118005120
Well, I think that there are some good things going on in this pasta, and some not-so-good things. Initially this story felt pretty engaging, and I was inerested to see where it went, although the "I worked at "X-corporation" and here is my spooky story" is a little played out, I'm pretty open and wiling to give pastas a fair chance, s that didn;t bug me too much. The descriptions and vocabulary here, for me at least, were a mixed bag. Some of the ways that things were described,'' "enlivened celebration and burning jealousy." Felt descriptive with a nice use of words. While "''My brain was like it had a tornado inside it throwing words in my head and flinging them out of my ear so I just went with it." '' felt odd and clunky to me. This seemed to be something that happened throughout my reading. Although some of the descriptions were interesting, they sometimes didn;t feel natural, or came across as very dramatic. I struggle with the same thing when I write. There were some things that I found a little puzzling here and there. I was unable to really get a feel for the time period in which this was occurring, or where events were taking place in a general sense. It seems like the narrator is a kid who grew up around the time that Sonic was popular on Genesis, but how old is he now? What system is he testing this new Sonic game on? What does the Game look like? Was the narrator living in Japan during all of this? I felt like there were a lot of questions that were left unanswered. Maybe these are unimportant things, but I guess I would have liked to know The plot itself was a bit strange I thought too. It kind of took its time building things up, and then climaxed very suddenly, and, I felt, confusingly. The thing about the Sega Bigwig resigning was fine (Although "Game-Fraud" as a term seems silly to me) and the new employees coming in with a new and strange product worked too. The product they gave, however, left me scratching my head a bit. I'm not entirely sure why the narrator was so upset by what he saw. What is described, Sonic running and almost getting hit by a plane, doesn't seem upsetting to me at all. It's the sort of thing that you see in cartoons all the time. At the end, the whole cannibalism thing felt really tacked on, and I was really confused by it, and found it funny. There was no evidence to point to anything like that, and after the reveal there was no moment of "oh, so ''that's what happened." It just came out of nowhere with no explanation. So I'm sorry to rag on this story so much. I really don't intend to be discouraging, and I apologize if I come off that way. One of the reasons I took time to go over all these points is because I feel like the author has potential. It seems like if some of the themes and skills displayed in this piece were refined and worked on, a really entertaining or interesting story could be made. So again, I apologize if I came of overly harsh.